FMV 03

Chapter 3

‘Aren’t I the top student? You listened to my entire performance, so why didn’t you call my name?’

She had asked Professor Schneider that question countless times in her head. But the moment she saw his sharp gaze, the words only circled inside her mouth and refused to come out.

“Did you come here to ask why I’m not giving you the opportunity? Because you thought it was a mistake that your name wasn’t called?”

He had hit the exact point.

But because Professor Schneider kindly yet sharply said the words she could not bring herself to say, Aurelia slowly nodded.

There must have been some kind of mistake.

“Aurelia, you’re different from those students. Those boys have the potential to raise the reputation of the Zerphium Conservatory in the future. You don’t.”

It was difficult for Aurelia to understand what Professor Schneider meant at first.

‘I don’t?’

‘What don’t I have? Why not?’

“Sit down. I already know that you didn’t draw my sheet music this time. Did you think that because I trust your skills, you could still take first place even if you were tested by me?”

“That…”

She had nothing to say.

Professor Schneider was right.

Just like the classmate who had asked her to switch sheet music, Aurelia had thought the same thing.

Since she knew she would perform well anyway, she had believed it did not matter which professor evaluated her.

“Yes, I already know you’re good. But having talent and becoming a pianist are two different things. To be honest, I think the other professors are giving you false hope. You need to understand reality too. You’re graduating soon, aren’t you?”

Professor Schneider gestured toward the chair across from him.

Aurelia had bitten her lip so hard that she was now leaving marks from her fingernails in her palm. With her head lowered, she sat in the chair he had pointed to.

She had so many things she wanted to say, but she could not force a single word out.

Why had he called students whose grades were lower than hers? Why was he refusing to give her a chance?

‘Is this favoritism too?’

Even so, Aurelia had always believed she had managed to survive quite well despite that favoritism.

Talent always beat money.

That was why she had always been proud of getting better grades than her classmates, many of whom lived comfortable lives.

“Do you want to join the orchestra as a backup member?”

Light reflected off Professor Schneider’s silver glasses.

For some reason, Aurelia felt as though that light was aimed directly at her. Still, she stubbornly forced herself to say what she needed to say.

“Yes. It’s a good opportunity. Before graduating from the Zerphium Conservatory, it would be a good way to gain experience as an aspiring pianist…”

“Enough.”

Aurelia forced the words out even though her voice would barely come, but Professor Schneider stopped her without even listening to the end.

Frowning deeply, Professor Schneider pushed up his glasses and glared at Aurelia.

“Aurelia Bernhard.”

“Yes, Professor.”

After saying Aurelia’s name, Professor Schneider remained silent for a long time, even after she answered.

It felt as though he was choosing from all the possible things he could say, trying to find the one that would hurt her the most. Aurelia’s shoulders slowly drooped.

No matter how much she thought about it, she could not believe that her own thoughts were wrong. Yet Professor Schneider’s voice and actions kept making her feel smaller and smaller.

“As you live your life, you need to learn how to give up sometimes.”

At Professor Schneider’s words, Aurelia clenched her fists.

She did not even know what she was supposed to give up.

Everywhere and every time, people had praised her talent as a pianist.

‘No matter how I think about it, this is my path. I don’t understand why I have to give it up.’

Playing the piano was when she was happiest, and that was why she worked harder than anyone else.

Everything she had built up until now had been the foundation for becoming a renowned and promising pianist.

“Even Symphony Hall wanted to choose from among the male students in the first place. That’s simply how the world is. We can’t keep indulging a child’s stubbornness forever.”

“But… I can do better than those students. I already have. You know that too, Professor.”

“These days, there are many well-educated mothers. I’m sure you could become a good mother too.”

“I want to become a pianist. Of course, I may start a family someday too.”

“If you really must continue playing the piano, you could become a teacher. With your excellent skills, there will be many places willing to hire you. I told you. At some point in life, everyone encounters a wall they cannot get past.”

No sooner had Professor Schneider finished speaking than there was a knock at the office door.

Another professor quietly opened the door and poked his head inside. But when he saw Aurelia there, he gave an awkward expression.

“I said you’re graduating soon, but you still have half a year left. So use that time to think carefully about your future. It’s already getting late. You should go now.”

Professor Schneider’s words were unbearably casual.

Just like crumpling up a piece of sheet music ruined by spilled ink and throwing it into the trash without a second thought.

“…Thank you.”

In the end, Aurelia could not argue with Professor Schneider even once. After saying goodbye to him, she had no choice but to leave the office.

She knew there was no point in saying anything more. He was not someone who would listen, no matter what she said.

‘A wall I can’t get past.’

Aurelia had never once imagined a future in which she was not a pianist.

She had never even considered that there might be a wall standing in front of her.

That was why she felt even more helpless.

After returning home, Aurelia spent the entire day going over Professor Schneider’s words again and again.

When she was young, whenever something painful happened, she would hide inside the closet and refuse to come out all day. Just like then, Aurelia curled herself up under her blanket and kept thinking until tears had gathered in her eyes.

‘I’ve never thought about this before.’

Her family had never been wealthy, and she had never grown up receiving an extraordinary education. But even so, everyone around her had always been on her side.

Her late mother, whom she could now barely remember without looking at photographs, had been the same. And although her father had initially opposed her, in the end, he always gave her whatever she wanted.

So Aurelia had always believed that her life would remain peaceful, just as it always had.

‘I’m such an idiot.’

She felt pathetic for never realizing that the peace she had taken for granted could be completely shattered by a single sentence from a professor.

After that one sentence was enough to drive her back into the closet of her own mind, Aurelia felt unbearably pathetic, yet she could not bring herself to leave the blanket.

It felt as though her very will to live her life had been completely broken.

“Lily, are you sleeping? You haven’t even been eating properly… Are you not going back to the conservatory anymore?”

“I don’t want to. I’m not going back to the conservatory either.”

She had never once thought that she lacked talent.

But what Professor Schneider had said was not about talent.

‘I don’t want to do anything.’

From the moment she accepted the reality in front of her, Aurelia could do nothing but curl herself up under the blanket and cry, unable to bear the weight of her body, which felt as heavy as water-soaked cotton.

After realizing the truth about her future, was this really all she could do? Cry until she was exhausted, then fall asleep, only to repeat the same thing again.

‘Pathetic.’

Even while she hated herself for being so pathetic, Aurelia hugged the blanket with both hands as though it were a shield protecting her from this cold world.

At first, she was simply heartbroken.

Professor Schneider’s words would not leave her mind all day.

Whenever his voice echoed inside her ears, Aurelia could do nothing but cover her entire face with the blanket and sob like a child.

‘It’s not fair.’

The feeling that came after sorrow was a sense of injustice.

The moment Aurelia first pressed the piano keys at Aiden’s house, she had known instinctively.

She would never be able to forget that beautiful sound for the rest of her life.

‘Not once in my life have I ever been told that I don’t have talent.’

From the moment Aurelia began learning the piano until now, everyone who heard her play had praised her talent until they were practically tired of saying it.

Even though she had started later than the other children.

‘Even the professors.’

The professors, who must have met all kinds of students with extraordinary talent, had also praised Aurelia’s talent as something truly exceptional.

So of course she had believed that she would become a pianist.

The sorrow that had turned into a sense of injustice eventually became resentment and anger, by the time she no longer even had the strength to get up.

‘Why? Why can’t I?’

If this was how it was going to be, God should never have given her such talent in the first place.

If she could not even begin before having her wings clipped, then wasn’t talent nothing more than a curse?